Penn State Scandal as it Triggers Many Survivors
I often write to you as a survivor of Mother-Daughter abuse. I also write as a survivor of Father-Daughter abuse and childhood domestic violence, but I’ve never been abused by a teacher, a coach, or an authority figure outside of my home environment. Why then is a female survivor of CSA by parents triggered by the Penn State scandal? Do you find yourself in a similar situation as a survivor who wasn’t abused by a teacher, coach, or public authority figure?
In the news lately, time is being given to acknowledge that many male survivors are highly triggered by the Penn State scandal. My heart aches for these boys and men who are either in this position, or are recovering survivors now stuck in triggers from the events of late. I’m glad that the media is often extending coverage to advocacy on all childhood sexual abuse of boys, including the lasting scars and emotions from survivors themselves.
What I haven’t seen being covered is how many female survivors may be feeling at this time. I have found myself triggered by the news of what has been happening, but as a female survivor as explained above, I have invalidated myself by saying that I shouldn’t be feeling this because I’m not a male survivor. Well, that simply isn’t true. We can’t control what actually triggers us, and for any survivor of abuse, allegations of other children having been abused can weigh heavily on us. The general public is outraged as it is. I’ve realized that it all touches home for me for a few reasons, but to name a commonly shared reason, we are empathetic to what these children have been through. We are empathetic to the fact that many additional children might have been abused, all because a few adults decided not to go the extra mile for a voiceless child.
I realize now that on a personal level, I am triggered also because my abusive mother was and is a public authority figure. I have seen first hand the power that a public authority figure has, but also the protection and the free pass they are potentially given.
If you’ve been triggered by the media coverage as a female survivor, or a male survivor who wasn’t abused by a public authority figure, you aren’t alone in that. Survivors just ache for other victims, because we know the harsh path that we walk, and because we often know the tragedy of an adult that doesn’t follow through to protect a child.
http://www.pandys.org
I found myself being very triggered as I watched the news coverage and read the grand jury report.
I think you are so right that as survivors we are often more sensitive to the pain that a child who is being abused is going through because we have walked that healing path (even if each of our paths are different).
Thank you for sharing this with the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse.
Hey Tracie,
I appreciate you sharing that you too found it triggering. I wanted to write this post because I was struggling with feeling validated at the trigger. When another survivor can understand, it helps me process my words instead of writing and lingering.
Thanks for hosting the carnival,
Brittany
Yes, me too.
I think you already answered your own questions and beautifully and eloquently at that.
“We can’t control what actually triggers us, and for any survivor of abuse, allegations of other children having been abused can weigh heavily on us…Survivors just ache for other victims, because we know the harsh path that we walk, and because we often know the tragedy of an adult that doesn’t follow through to protect a child.”
Good and healing thoughts to you and to all of us.
Kate
Hey Kate,
It’s great to hear from you. I hope that you are doing okay.
Thank you for sharing that you can relate and for the kind words.
Take good care,
Brittany
Kate, I have not experienced any type of sexual abuse, but my step-daughter has been a victim of MDSA. She is only 10 and she feels like she is the only person that this has happened too. So I understand when you wrote that surviors ache for other victims. I have tried so hard to find information on this type of abuse to somehow help her, but I’ve hit a brick wall. Not much info out there at all. I did find a facebook page that gives some information. http://www.facebook.com/STOPmdsa I just wish I could learn more so i could help her heal. I came across this blog and it has helped me better understand some of her feelings. My heart breaks for her and other who have been abused.
Hey Annette,
I’m so sorry to hear that your step-daughter is struggling. Many of us do feel alone in having experienced MDSA, and feel abnormal for needing to talk and reach out for help. I’m learning that there are resources and support, even if those things are kind of behind the scenes and not easy to find.
I started this blog to be another who is breaking the silence, and I have a list of resources on the main page if you’ve seen them. They range from MDSA online and their recent video to fellow MDSA survivor bloggers such as Kate (and her resource list).
I think that one of the most important things is doing exactly what you are doing- looking to understand her feelings. If you want to understand her feelings, give her a safe place to express them, and let her know that it’s okay to express yourself and reach out for help, you are doing great!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I wish you and your step-daughter well as you work on healing and understanding.
Stay strong,
Brittany
I found myself being triggered as well even though the abuser was my female parent. It was upsetting and enraging. But the most enraging thing is the number of people who knew and covered it up. I read the report and at least two parents complained and still nothing was done. In my case I was so broken before I can even remember I never told anyone or asked for help. It was just further proof to me that children are human fodder.
Another part that angers me about the whole thing is that the emphasis in regards to sexual abuse is always the stranger. No one ever talks about the fact that most people who rape children start right at home with their own.
The “good” thing about the coverage is seeing that at least this abuser will get what’s coming to him. There is some satisfaction.
Hey Toni,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. This is a stressful thing for many survivors indeed. It’s helpful to know that I’m not alone in being triggered by the coverage when the abuse I experienced was different.
What all is alleged to have been looked passed or covered up is enraging for sure. It’s very saddening that so many children are being abused, and over the top that exactly those who should help are victimizing firsthand or secondhand.
Healing thoughts to you throughout it all as you are triggered as well,
Brittany