Inching to Change Perspectives on Our Worth After Child Abuse

Healing from child abuse is a journey that probably none of us expected when we started it. It’s not been a few talk therapy sessions. Two steps forward and one step back feels like a true equation here.

When the flood gates opened to work on healing from child abuse, the reality showed a long and winding path. I’ve heard so many say this including myself: I would have tried harder to live in “denial” if I’d known the feelings that went into healing, into processing the abuse.

Many days, I’ve gotten up and felt like this day is all too familiar. It’s easy to feel like the life has trickled from your day when you’re living with nightmares and frequent triggers. It’s been easy to feel worthless, either while feeling used when abused or by just getting through the day as a survivor. I want to have more days of positivity and production than I do of simply coping, sleeping, and functioning that day when I can.

Which comes first- feeling like the day is worth seizing, or feeling like we are worth a production in it? This fall of 2011, I want to work on feeling more consistently present throughout the day. Fall is a great time for change and growth. The fresh air and the cool, rustling breeze may be cleansing enough.

I want to keep just three guidelines in mind:

1. Wake up, take a deep breath, and follow step number two.

2. Give myself complete permission to feel what I need to feel.

If I have laid out a plan for the day that I need to change, I am not a failure. I am human. I am worthwhile, and these difficult feelings will pass.

3. Strive to put oneself into a position to succeed. 

This can mean setting a time to rejuvenate, further establishing a support person or friendship, or giving time to express oneself in writing, art, therapy, etc.

If we can wake up and take a deep breath, remind ourselves that it is natural to feel ups and downs, and have a steady outlet of expression, maybe just these three goals can reveal some little ways in which we are important and worthy. I am letting my positivity get ahead of my current reality, but that’s the way to make a change, right?

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This entry is a submission for the September 2011 edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, hosted this month by From Tracie.